me profile

Life changes.

One minute you are travelling along, dealing with what life flings at you, but happy and content in many other ways.

Then it changes.   You find yourself at a loss to understand why, nothing makes sense and you find yourself in a place of disbelief, frustration and a deep sadness that tears you apart.

Then the realisation hits you that no matter what you had done, no matter how different you had been.  The end result would still have been the same.

Life goes on, you fight the hurt and the pain, and on top of the battles you are already fighting quietly in yourself, this takes you to a new low .. a low where you want to scream and shout and cry and disappear from the world for a time.

Then your balance begins to return, the waves of anguish and the clouds of darkness begin to disappear and suddenly you find yourself laughing again and looking forward to new adventures.

Whether I meet someone else or not doesn’t really matter … but if I do, the next woman I love needs to understand a few things about me.

  1. Emotionally my job can be draining.  When I am busy I need to take time out.  I need my quiet time either on my own, or just sitting in someone’s company.
  2. I am not controlling.   However I do need to know plans in advance so I can organise my diary.  I am self employed with no set hours.  I need to work, but I need someone strong enough to say, stop.  Sometimes I take on too much.
  3. I don’t always want to do the same things as my partner.  But I would never stop them doing exactly what they wanted to do.  I expect the same consideration back, and a little understanding that sometimes I simply do not want to socialise.
  4. If I have something to say, I say it.  I don’t tend to frill things up.  It is not meant to be hurtful, I say things as they are.  If I find a situation uncomfortable or awkward, I will simply remove myself from it.
  5. Baggage.  We all have baggage, I am more than happy to help carry my partners baggage, as long as she is prepared to start unpacking at some point.
  6. I want a grown up relationship.  One where we can plan ahead, possibly live together and build a life together.  I want to be a commitment to someone, not a part time play thing to fit in around the rest of their life.
  7. I do not want to be needed.   I want to be wanted, there is a difference.
  8. Intimacy.  Sometimes, if I am struggling I tend to shy away from intimacy.  This is a reflection of how I feel about myself.  I don’t need nagging, huffing or judged for this.  I feel bad enough already.  There are times when I want to be held, just held without the pressure of having to take it further.
  9. I want to meet my partners friends.  Not treated like a dirty little secret. I want someone who is proud to be with me, as I am about her.
  10. People are not always what they seem.  I want honesty.

Too much to ask for … maybe … but the great thing about life is that you never know what is around the corner. Life goes on … and so do I.