All of us, to some degree, are emotionally damaged.  Most of us react and recover from the damage in different ways, but for some the journey to recovery is far from easy.

We can cling to friendships and relationships that are damaging in the fear that we will never be good enough for anyone inadvertently trapping ourselves in a cycle of emotional and, sometimes, physical abuse.

The “need” to have someone to “love” is confused by the control that is placed on us by others … we often do not realise the emotional abuse that is happening and even if we do, we refuse to accept it.   Whether it be through guilt or denial.

Often we cover our unhappiness by insisting we are happy … trying to convince others and ourselves that life is good … when in reality it is a cycle of depression with highs and lows that simply confuse us even more.

For some our escape is alcohol, drugs or promiscuity … we “need” to feel, whether it be a great high or low … or just to block out our feelings for a few hours.

For some, the “comfort” of being controlled gives a sense of peace… we convince ourselves that the “controller” cares for us and our happiness… when in reality all they care for is their feelings and happiness.

Control and emotional abuse is not always about shouting .. sometimes it is so subtle that it take a long time to realise what is happening … and often when we speak up this is turned around to be “our fault” .. a play on our guilt and conscience… and this is often done to excuse the controllers own behaviour.

No matter what our other friends tell us, no matter what in our hearts of hearts, we already know … we will continue to be trapped in the same cycle, convincing ourselves we are happy, when in reality our lives are not our own.

Controllers know the buttons to press, and what reactions to expect … in reality, the controllers are very weak people … but they convince the abused that it is they that are weak … and slowly but surely, chip away at their confidence and belief, until they are convinced that they cannot escape the controller.

The solution has to come from within us… we have to understand that any guilt we feel is placed on us deliberately, to allow the control to continue… but sometimes the “Status quo” even if unhealthy, is less scary that the “what if’s”

But sometimes we just have to take one step and freedom will follow… and life will be ours again.