When it comes to relationships and love, we all have scars.
The depth of our scars depends on how we heal … and that is where it gets complicated!
Some turn to alcohol… or even drugs to mask pain… others bounce from one relationship to another in search of “the high” that they need to make them feel whole again…but all this does is leave our wounds open, with no chance of healing.
For others, they form needy and unhealthy friendships that may give them a sense of false security… but leaves them dead inside.
Then there are those who accept their pain, fight through the knowledge that their best wasn’t good enough and let the waves of every emotion wash over them until the tide begins to turn and the waves of pain recede to become a gentle flow that makes our sail through life just a little easier and we are once again in charge of our own journey.
The scars begin to fade, perhaps leaving a little itch from time to time, but no longer painful, no longer open.
Life falls back into a new normality that becomes comfortable… our sense of self worth begins to return as we realise that friends still love us… still support us… and above all else, want to see us happy.
Six months ago my life and my future was turned on its head… the relationship I thought I had… was not as true as I thought… and the way it ended hurt me deeper than I have ever been hurt before… but my friends, especially the ones that know me well, knew that I needed to take time out, mainly to wallow in my pain and anger… they were there for me if I needed them, but gave me my space too.
I also had a wee dabble into “sort of dating”… but scars from the past… and present… not on my part, made any sort of relationship impossible… but the knowledge that a very beautiful woman was interested in me was the final piece in my journey to “recovery”.
My life is not perfect… but at last I feel I have a life worth living for again. I have great friends that I love, a fab wee black snuggly dog, two cats that I serve!…. and a great job that I love… all I need now is for my motor home to be sorted and life will be perfect!
If along my travels I meet someone who understands how to heal their own scars, and who wants to take a chance to find a forever kind of love, then that would be a great bonus… but for now, just living my life, without any pain or regret will do!
Here is to what was… and to what has yet to come.
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 