The catch on Match

For once I decided to do what I was told,

Took a deep breath and chose to be bold.

A profile I wrote, oh wow, what a catch

And posted the thing on bloody Match.


I chose some pictures, be honest, I’m auld,

No very fit but at least I’m no bald.

I sat back and waited and the likes they came,

From Germany, from France but nothing from hame!


So, I had a wee look, and boy what a shock

Nae teeth, cross eyed and hairy ligs in a frock.

An’ then there wiz a pic of one of my friends!

Then inither and inither … ah wiz soon roon the bends.


But then there was wan, that made me sit up

So I sent her a picture of my cute little pup.

She answered quite quick and told me she was sold,

On ma dug and no me, I was too bloody old!


There is a lesson to be learned from surfing the net

You can say what you want, but it’ll no be what you get.

But I’ve met a guid pal, she has me in hoots,

And she is naebody ah ken, or fae Rubyfruits.


So perhaps my lesson, is to go with the flow,

Meet folk for a coffee that I don’t really know.

I might call her darrrrlin’ or even… ma honey

As long as she buys cake way her ain bloody money.