Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Had this pm’d to me today… not sure if it’s a good thing or bad thing though!

First night at Craig Tara done! Met up with a couple of pals who have a static here and 2 others that came to visit too!

It was a funny night, Charli’s alcohol measures helping… so much so that I drunk so much vodka I nearly fell asleep!

Sprout had a great time pinching Munro’s dog toys and launching herself at Lesley! Who ended up with scratched inner thighs!! ( it was Sprout … honest!!)

The long walk back uphill was thankfully avoided when Sprout and I had a lift up from Bev and Benga.

Can’t say it was a peaceful night… the tourer part backs onto the main road and there were boy racers till after 2am, when I finally fell asleep.

Took Sprout to the dog walk this morning but lots of broken glass and somebody had emptied their loo… even though the Elsan point was right opposite! So we didn’t go far.

Today I’m going to mooch around and not go far… going to rearrange some stuff and sort my new telly out and plan my route for tomorrow… planning to go through Galloway Forest and try to find a lovely wee bit by a river again … where my brother fell in a couple of years ago! Before I head down to Cumbria for a new adventure!… but for now… I think I will have a wee snooze!

I have just come home after taking a funeral to find a delivery for me… one was a wonderful gift from my pal Arlene … stickers that read “Coddiwomple” (To travel in a purposeful manner towards a vague destination) … and these will be going on Alice Alice this very afternoon!

I have no idea who the other gift is from … it came from Amazon … and is a pack of drawing pencils, a drawing pad and two notebooks … one of which reads “not all who wander are lost” … and the other “The adventure begins here” …. both are subjects that I have recently covered in this Blog, so I presume they are from someone who reads it!… so Thank you very much! … and let me know who you are!

I have to admit to being not much of an artist, more of a bad doodler really … but this will inspire me to at least try! …

I am totally stunned at the kindness that people have shown to me over the past few months.  I have received many gifts, each of which has raised a wee tear in my eye… I must have hay fever or something because I’m heartless really!  *smile*

But truly, Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to send me gifts and cards … you have no idea how much this all means to me.  For a time I felt pretty worthless … and your kindness has touched me more than you will ever know!

Bloody hayfever again ….

No … I didn’t spell it wrong!

Tomorrow I set off with my wee dog Sprout on our first proper solo holiday.   I say solo but for part of it I am meeting with friends, in Ayr and Cumbria before spending three days alone with Sprout near Jedburgh.

It is a journey that I am looking forward to, not just for the holiday but for the start of the new beginning that it going to bring.

I have a couple of challenges ahead of me, challenges that I know I need to face and conquer … but these challenges will help me overcome a couple of obstacles that I have been struggling to get past… and I know, that for me, they will make me a stronger and  happier person, as well as helping me really regain my peace.

Tomorrow brings me new destinations and a new destiny (did you see what I did with the title now!) … no doubt there will be lots of surprises along the way … and I am looking forward to discovering them!

Here is to all what is to come!

The struggle between your mind and your heart is always difficult to deal with.

When hurt and anger go, you are left knowing what you think, and what you feel.

The battle is real … and it is a conflict that does not give you peace.

Acceptance of all you think and feel is the first step in fighting back.

When you can accept the anger, the hurt and the blow to your pride, even if you don’t like it … what you are left with is what you feel in your heart.

No matter how you have been treated, no matter all the harsh words and tears, what you are left with is how you feel, and sometimes this surprises you.

I do believe that people love in different ways.  I am not talking about the love of family and pets, but love for a partner.

For some love is shallow and temporary, for others deep and permanent.  I also believe that there are people who are born to be loved … and others who are born to love.

Everyone we meet, everyone we love, leaves a mark on us.  Sometimes for the good, sometimes not, but they leave a mark anyway.

I also believe that love is about timing… you do have to meet someone who is in the same “place” as you… someone who has done all they wanted to do in life and is happy with their life and themselves.  If not the balance is all wrong and a relationship like this will not stand the test of time.

Love is all about understanding, compromise and acceptance.   Acceptance that two people should never become one, but two people who want to stay together through the tough times, as well as the fun times.

It is accepting that our partners have different interests and needs and allowing them to be themselves, while still trusting and respecting them enough to know that no matter what, all they want is to share part of their world with you always.

Love should not be about changing someone, but accepting them and their faults and still loving them anyway.

I am not interested in a relationship where there is conflict, I just want peace.  Peace of mind and peace of heart, with someone who I can trust completely and who wants me in their life always.

Well … at last I have cleared out my drawers, wardrobes and summerhouse!

Everything is tidy and organised and everything has been taken to the Charity  Shop or binned, although not my old knickers I may add!

I am also selling some camping gear that I no longer need and that has been advertised on line … no interest as yet though so that might end up in a charity shop too!

There is something really peaceful knowing that everything is once again in order … I do tend to save things (just in case!), so a good clear out now and again is required and the sense of achievement is great!

Next big project is the decking and the garden .. but that will have to wait until I come back from holiday, then I will be able to sit back and enjoy everything .. as well as having many trips out in Alice Alice.

The whole process has been very therapeutic for me in more ways than one … a couple of tears over left behind slippers and I came across a couple of cards … I thought I had got rid of all of them … so it was a wee bit of a punch in the stomach when I found them. But now my life is in order again … (apart from my office .. but I am tackling that tonight!) … the sun is shining, my holiday is just a few days away, and life is beginning to feel that little bit more friendly again.

Now I must stop opening the wardrobe doors and smiling to myself!

Losing someone you love is not easy… but it takes two people who really love each other to make a relationship work.

When feelings are unbalanced there is no future and even though it is hard to accept… no-one wants to be with someone who does not love them.

Loss is hard but at least it frees us to find someone who will truly love us. Tears dry, pain fades and life is an unwritten chapter just waiting to happen.