Friends with Benefits is a situation that some people find confusing, some find it disgusting. Others .. like me .. find it is something that suits us.
Relationships genuinely confuse me … one minute you are lovers .. sharing the most intimate parts of your life .. and body with someone .. then you break up … and in some cases become nothing to each other.
I have never quite got my head around that … maybe my brain is wired differently .. but when I have been intimate with someone I tend to care for them .. no matter how much hurt blankets it … if I am totally honest there has never been anyone I have had in my bed that I wouldn’t go out of my way to help …
Friends with Benefits can work beautifully .. I have never had a “FWB” that has caused any upset or drama in my life … it is based on honesty, friendship and care … and a little bit of love .. but not the type of love that makes you want to spend your life with someone … something much more free than that .. a genuine warmth and affection for someone.
I have had mind blowing sex with some FWB’s … I have had boring sex in some relationships .. but somehow the “act” of sex doesn’t matter … sometimes it is the intimacy and the affection that is important.
For me intimacy and affection is based on honesty and truth .. and sadly I have found that easier to find in FWB’s than some relationships.
However …. I am not knocking relationships .. I have had some long term relationships that were based on honesty and truth and I was happy … but sometimes relationships run their course … sometimes you end up being companions or just friends .. and it is hard to get back what you have lost.
For me FWB’s give me the freedom to enjoy my life (I do not mean sleeping around!) I mean my life, as I like it … time on my own, no drama .. and the opportunity to look forward and “romance” someone … yes .. romance can play a part in FWB situation .. you can flirt, you can look forward to seeing her … you can enjoy her for who she is .. and she can enjoy you for who you are…. with no expectation, no broken promises and no losing of friendship at the end of it.
Most FWB situations do not develop into a relationship ..sometimes they just come along at the right time .. when you need something to give you a wee smile in your life … but they do not hurt .. they do not “turn” on you ….
I am an advocate of FWB’s …. not because I do not want to be monogamous … but because I am sick of liars, backstabbers and losing friendships … this has happened in relationships .. but never with FWB’s …
The downside of FWB’s is that sometimes someone wants more than you can give .. or want to give … even when you are totally honest with someone they will only hear what they want to hear … and they can sometimes let their dreams turn a FWB situation to much more in their head.
So .. my only advice .. if you are considering a FWB … be honest .. do not think that it will turn into a relationship .. most do not … just accept it for what it is … enjoy … and know that you will probably always have this person in your life … and a closeness that is beautiful … you do not always have to be loved … you do not always have to love … just enjoy .. you may just find that is enough.
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 