Mid aged crisis?

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The menopause is a funny old thing … I have friends going through it right now.

Luckily for me I had an early menopause .. no great hassles with hot sweats and stuff and apart from a couple of years where it was a bit annoying it passed easily.    Or so I thought.

I was speaking to a friend last night who told me how tired and stressed she was feeling, she couldn’t pin it down to anything in particular but did blame it on her business but it did get me thinking….

Perhaps at this age (both of us are 52) we are now feeling the effects of our middle age .. the so called “middle age” crisis has kicked in (although if that is the case then I am thankfully out of the other side). 

I have had one or two strange thoughts… like getting a tattoo … like disappearing to foreign country to live … all very “not me” ….  thankfully I spent my “tattoo money” on decorating my living room .. however I do still have this little irk to live abroad.   A nice warm country, where I can faff around and be a bit of a grumpy auld woman and wear socks with sandals etc!!  *smile*

The last couple of years have been tough .. I have been very “out of sorts” with myself .. and my need for peace and relaxation have been at desperate levels .. perhaps it is not all about stress.. perhaps my middle age has something to do with my life choices and feelings .. or perhaps I am just a little bit mad and eccentric!

Who knows … let’s wait and see what happens next!



When the time is right…

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We all face battles at times but the hardest battle we fight is within ourselves.    I am a born fighter, I fight for what I believe in, I fight for what I think is right, I do not roll over and give up easily.   This is not always a good thing, sometimes I need to realise that I cannot win every battle, sometimes I have to learn that the best thing to do is nothing.

I have fought a hard battle over the past couple of years, actually if I am honest, for longer time than that.  I had lost touch with something very important, occasionally managing to find it, but I couldn’t keep it, it was like trying to hold a handful of water.

I am a woman who take responsibility very seriously, it is just an inherent part of me, which again is a good thing, but sometimes I allow it to rule me.   I get annoyed with myself, frustrated, angry when I cannot do what I want to do, when I cannot feel what I want to feel.

I am a woman who needs peace and quiet, needs time to think and mentally relax, without my peace I cannot do that and I lose myself.

I am a clown, a fun loving laugh a minute person, to everyone who knows me.   The few who really know me know that I am much deeper than that.   I seem open but I am not, I keep my fears, my doubts, my lack of confidence inside me, my humour is my armour and it works well.

I have a lot of wonderful friends, dear close and loving friends who I would do anything for but I have one special friend that has touched the very soul of me, the part of me that I thought had died and I am so grateful for her being my “soul mate” … the person I can just look at and know we share a soul, we just understand each other, accept our differences and want the very best for each other in life and love.

I have found my soul again, my ability to feel deeply … it is the best gift anyone has ever given me.

I am ready now … let destiny play it’s part …

Will you still love me?

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Lana Del Rey from the soundtrack of The Great Gatsby.
Simply beautiful.

The right time …

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You never quite know what you are going to feel

or how you are going to react.

You never quite know what is right and what is wrong

but you know when it is time.

You feel the guilt, the responsibility, the fear

it all seems so big, unconquerable.

You just need to take one step, just one..

and your time will be right.

Attacked and bleeding …

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I was attacked today …. for no other reason that I was eating a piece of cheese for my breakfast …. My cat Bo … (cute but dangerous!) was sitting on the arm of my chair and when I went to pop the last bit in my mouth (without sharing any with her!) she decided that the last piece must be hers!  …. I am wounded .. scarred … hurting … (OK .. maybe I am exaggerating just a little here ….)…. anyway .. she scratched me on the cheek … resulting in a screaming match (me) a kick up the arse (Bo) .. and a dog that looked panic stricken (Brae) ….  the wee bugger will not attempt to steal my cheese again ….

I have had no sympathy in the office whatsoever.   Just a few sniggers.    Pahhhh!!!

She is packed and ready to go …..     *smile*


The cheese wound …. (ok .. on reflection I am exaggerating a lot about it!!)


True story

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I do not have an extraordinary life.     

I have won, I have lost, I have had my heart broken, I have broken hearts.

I have made mistakes, I have cried, I have laughed and I have failed in glorious fashion.

Sometimes I have been in utter despair, sometimes in absolute joy.

I have thought that no-one else in the world thinks like me, cares like me, understands me.   I have learned that this is not true.  

My life is not extraordinary.  

My life is simply true.


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A beautiful poem from Noora ….

Perpetual Fire

in the afterglow,
lying here
in our memories

reminiscing how it felt to be
an inspiration for your creative fingertips;
how I melted like soft clay
in the hands of a dedicated sculptor
as you made me
your secret masterpiece,
and yours alone I still am
in the afterglow of our love

how it felt to unfold you
with my love, one layer at a time
or how my hopeful lips stole your breath
and made it ours
in the kiss of truths and expectations

and still tonight
I breathe our love
when I escape to the place
where yesterday’s spark still flames
where unwritten poems
sensuously moan,
where you stay
with me
in the afterglow

© Noora

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I carry your heart …

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This is just beautiful.

I watched “In her shoes” with my friend Karen last night … I think I won on the crying front …

If there ever comes a day …

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I’ve loved you before …


a great video of Xena and Grabrielle mixed to the wonderful voice of Melissa Etheridge … brought a wee tear to my eye!

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