I have been taking a deliberate wee break from my blog …. this is the place where the clown mask sometimes slips and I let people see the mess inside and I have been fighting a wee battle in my head.

I have survived a very tough period in my life …and I’ve come out the other side stronger, wiser and happier than I have been in a good few years.    It wasn’t an easy journey …there were times when I didn’t like myself, when I couldn’t cope, when I just wanted to disappear.   It is a battle to try to function at any sort of level when you just want to run.    

You never quite know what is round the corner .. sometimes you find yourself in a whirlwind that picks your life up and flings it around until you are totally lost and then you struggle to find your way .. you feel overwhelmed but at the same time you feel nothing.

I hated myself then.   I am naturally a strong, optimistic woman, with a huge passion for life.    I became someone else.

I have managed to put those days behind me.  Hopefully for good but you just never know … it is like having a dark scary place at the back of your mind … you have been there, you don’t want to go back!

I am loving my new life, my second chance… I find a great peace within myself now and I have taken a decision to stay this way.  I know I am loved, I know I love, that is enough for me. The upshot is that I have decided to stay single.    This is no bad or sad thing … it is simply the right choice for me,   I do not want the pressure of expectation, I just want to be me.