think

Do you ever wonder if anyone else thinks like you?

Do you ever wonder if anyone else loves like you?

I don’t know if I have old fashioned values, or whether in this day and age of “disposal” goods if people really know what a relationship is all about.

I have had lots of “short term” relationships in my life … but after the initial excitement of someone new had begun to wear off, I realised that these women would not be permanent fixtures in my life and so the relationship ended before it dragged on longer and caused more hurt in the future.

I have been on the receiving end of these to and that is fair enough, you are not always everyone’s cup of tea.

But when I love, I love … it hasn’t been often but so far have ended up hurt and disappointed each time.

I don’t know if I believe all the bullshit about “I’ve never loved anyone this much”  “I’ve never had a lover that makes me feel like this before” … but I am fooled somewhere along the line.

I guess we all have our own moral codes and standards … it would explain a lot about why I have had a lover that was jealous to the extreme … not because of anything I done, but perhaps because she judged me based on her own morals and actions.

I have no idea.

I did toy with the idea of going back to my old “friends with benefits” thing that I used to do when I was younger … but in all honesty, I can’t be bothered … perhaps because there was no depth of feeling involved, just a physical act and a laugh … no commitment, no being a priority in someone’s life…. and I think in all honesty, I have outgrown all that … I do want commitment, I do want to be a priority.  I want to be someone’s last.

I do know I still believe in love, I may be a bit more cynical and a lot more wary, but in my heart of hearts I know there are good people out there, who want to commit, who want to share their lives, who want to plan for a future together.

I also know that at the moment I am nowhere near ready for a relationship.  I am still hurting and working through the disbelief and pain that my ex left in her wake … and although she has moved on (actually she moved on before we split) … I know I can’t judge every woman on what she done and how she treated me at the end.

I know there are good women out there … who are wondering exactly the same as I am … maybe one day, on my many new journey’s to come, I will meet her… and at last be able  let my weary heart smile.