Brae. A gay woman's tale!

It seemed a really good idea to book in for a Zumba class tonight, as well as Clubbercise tomorrow night …

I’m sitting here knowing I have a lovely steak and salad waiting on me in the fridge but don’t have time to have it before Zumba … so I had a banana…. which didn’t come near to making me feel better …

I guess at least I know I have something nice to eat when I come home … but right now … I could happily get my jammies on and hit the kitchen … but I won’t … I will drag my miserable complaining ass to Zumba

I shall shut up now.

After much tooing and frowing … my friend Karen and I have finally decided on the location of our next meet up … we have decided one the Lake District at a lovely wee site at Derwent Water.

Logistically, it has been difficult … I am travelling down from Scotland with the caravan and Sprout … and she is driving up from Kent in her car with her wee dog… we don’t really care what the weather is like … at least with the caravan it is easy to get out and about in the car … which is one huge advantage over the motorhome! … and of course, there is so much more room!

I really need a wee break … I’ve been busy and I’m tired … always the same at this time of year and I always like to get away at the start of a year … hopefully by the end of March I will have another stone off … and already, even after a couple of weeks, I am the fittest I have been in years! … saying that I have worked hard at it … between working out in the gym, swimming, water aerobics and exercise classes (but let’s not mention Boogiebounce every again!!)

I have my review in a months time but I am already hitting most of my targets … (although swimming is my biggest bug bear because my shoulders are not really strong enough yet.. and I find swimming so damn boring in a pool!) … but I reckon by the end of next week I will have all my targets … I may bring my review forward!

but still fall victim to it at times.

Sprout is my new dog … well, I say new… I’ve had her for over a year now … but I decided to keep my blog in the name of my old gentle dog Brae.

Sprout is very young … just 14 months old and full of life … she is the bounciest, happiest dog in the world … and sometimes I feel sorry for her when, due to work, I can’t give her all the exercise she needs to wear her out  … and so I decided to get a dog walker 3 times a week to help me out …

It is actually one of my friends called Kat, who has a dog walking business and very used to dogs … however even she was taken by surprise when today, during her very first walk with Kat, Sprout (who hates water and won’t consider paddling in the sea or loch) … decided for some unknown reason to dive head first down an open drain in the middle of a field .. luckily Kat had her on a long leash and managed to pull her out … but the stupid dog was stinking!

She came home so pleased with herself, smelly, hyper and bouncy … although that didn’t last long when I grabbed her and flung her in the bath! …. now she is all soft and lovely smelling …  and I think that Kat has survived the fright!

Hopefully on Wednesday she will behave herself a bit more!  (Sprout … not Kat!)

Or misunderstanding …. I avoided certain situations because I knew I wouldn’t keep my mouth shut at the bad behaviour of others … seemingly this was unacceptable … personally I think it was the bad behaviour that was unacceptable …

At least I found out how unimportant I was.

…. Is back and fighting fit … ok ok … fighting fat maybe!…

No matter what heartbreak someone gives you, if you loved them, you will never wish them pain.

I certainly don’t … people make choices for what they want not always for what they need.

Someone who bounces from one relationship to another, will never find out what they need… because they never take the time to get to know themselves and what it is the most that they need in their lives.

They just “become” very like the person they are dating, taking up their hobbies and interests and often their mannerisms too … not doing that deliberately but just because they are not yet strong enough to be who they really are.

For all my faults, and I have many, I know exactly who I am … some parts of me I am happy with, some not so much, but I accept them all because it is all these good and bad parts of me that makes me the person I am.

I don’t want a fraud in my life, I don’t want someone who doesn’t really want me for being me and just wants to change me.   That is not love, that is possession and control.