All of us expect to be able to choose our friends and what knowledge they have about you in real life. Online should be no different. I have a facebook account and I have chosen who I let see information. I have also chosen NOT to allow my information to become public to those who are not connected to me.
Through this I have lost a “real life” friend on facebook. It is rather more complicated than that but suffice to say that she is involved with someone who I want nothing to do with. This friend gave her password to her partner who then “fraped” her (childish I know!) but I objected to this person having access to my information and had no choice but to remove my “real life” friend from my friends list. To be honest I didn’t want to do this.. she is funny, articulate and intelligent and I enjoy her posts and her banter .. I have tried to explain how I feel but I was just shouted down.
She is not someone I want to fall out with.. she has her life to lead and she has chosen what information she shows to people on facebook .. yet objects to me wanting privacy from someone who should not have access to what I put on facebook.
I do not know if I am being overly suspicious .. but I have also sent texts that were friendly and sociable that were never received… or if they were .. they were deleted… I find this very strange and slightly worrying.
I do not know how to solve this .. opinions welcome…
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 
Jan 12, 2011 @ 19:53:46
I have had the experience recently of letting a very good friend go due to issues I had with her jealous partner. My friend was split between being loyal to our friendship and being loyal to her partner and was struggling. I was hurt and angry as I felt our long established friendship was being undermined, I wanted her to be stronger but she couldn’t be because of the influence her partner has. I sense that there is some anger coming from your friend as she doesn’t want to let either of you down and is looking to you to make it easy for her by saying what she has done is ok. Some times we have to let people go in the hope that they come back, you should stop beating yourself up and carrying her negative energy – you have done nothing wrong. You have explained your preferences, if she cannot respect them then that is her choice. You could her your love, as I did my friend, and tell her you are setting your friendship free in the hope that one day it will come back and be much deeper and much more meaningful. I told my friend Maria that if ever our paths cross in social circles I won’t ignore her, I will hug her and give her my love but until such time that things have changed she will remain in my heart and my memories. Maria has accepted this and occasionally I get a text from her to check I am ok, she is keeping the link and that is good as I know she will come back to me one day.
Not sure if this helps, I hope it does.
Jan 12, 2011 @ 20:47:42
Oh Brae how i feel for you, the exact same thing happend to me when a relationship ended, now i rarely venture onto F/B and though i have put up screens to prevent information being cross examined by those i really wouldn’t want seeing somehow my information/private life is always under scrutiny. Then i go onto P/Sofa only to have it thrown back in my face, it has caused me much distress. all i want is a quiet private life and a chance to enjoy it without people mocking from behind the scenes.
The only bit of advice i can offer is to make sure all your passwords/secret codes once shared etc are changed and if you are with someone new and this is a hard one but don’t automatically trust them with private stuff just because you seem to fit together. I learnt the hard way, i was set up for almost a by someone i thought of as a really close friend.
It is sad honesty and trust don’t seem to be words folk understand anymore.
Regards
July