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Sometimes you have to cry STOP!   Sometimes you have to let go, and say what is on your mind.. sometimes you have to be bloody honest.   Today has been one of those days for me.

I don’t know if I am seen as being stupid, or an easy touch .. but I am neither.  Sometimes I keep my mouth shut to have an easy life.

Now and again I say what I think, what I believe.

Never try to pull the wool over my eyes.  I am far wiser than I let on, I am joker and a fool for a reason.   My own reason that helps protect me from bullshit, lies and narcissism.

People sadly underestimate me… because I let them, but the wise and the honest  see right through me and they understand.  It is a shame that more people do not.

Revel in your pity, revel in your angst – my life has no room for either.

A look within …

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Fortytude is a book by Sarah Brokaw… I admit to not having read it (yet!) but the introduction makes me nod my head in agreement

“It takes courage to look within, but this is what we must do.  By examining ourselves closely and coming to a deeper understanding of what matters most to us as unique individuals, we can separate the societal messages from our own hearts’ calling, let go of ideas of what should be, and instead embrace what is.  You can take a stand and say proudly:  ‘This is who I am.”  Or, if you’re at a point where you’re reinventing your life, you can say:  ‘This is who I want to be – and I’m going to go for it!”  This process takes a kind of strength that I call ‘fortytude.’”   Sarah Brokaw.

I totally agree with her … as someone who has met, shaken hands and said goodbye to my forties it proved to be a time for me when I came of age, when I finally accepted me, my faults and discovered the depth of strength that I have.

As I have entered my 50’s, with little grace or delicacy, I have realised that I have made little impact on the world, nor do I really want to.

I have changed as a person, I’m less wild these days.  I do still speak my mind and I know that I always will.   Not everyone will like that, but that is not my problem.

My fifties are where I finally have become the person I am happy with.     I did for a short while think I wasn’t .. I thought there were parts of me that had to change then I realised the key word there .. “change” ..  it wasn’t me who felt the need for me to change, but someone else.    They wanted me or needed to be someone I am just not.

Changes would have meant me sacrificing part of me to make someone else happy.  That is not the point of life and far too big a responsibility for me to undertake.

Happiness and change should come from within not from outside forces.  Let’s face it .. no matter how perfect we claim to be none of us actually are.   Nor should we ever wish to be.   It is our faults who make us human and as imperfect as we are it is normally the imperfections in someone we are interested in.

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