There are many crossroads in life. Some we pass through without realising, until we look back at our past, at others we have to decide what is the best route for us to follow.
Often we meet the same choices at different times in our life, but each time we reach this point the road we choose will, more often than not, be different. As it should be. If it never changes, we never grow, develop, become.
Today has been one of those days for me.. I think, deep down, I knew it was coming but this weekend I have a lot of thinking to do. I have been fighting with my conscience and my need over the past few months and much more so over the last week, but today a comment made me realise that perhaps the decision I have been in a quandry over is actually what is needed.
I am not sure if this was a flippant comment made in anger, or whether it is something that has been thought about and discussed in circles that I am not part of. I suspect it may be the latter.
Whatever .. maybe it is time for a change, I need to stop this feeling of flatlining .. I seem to get this feeling when I know something has to change, it is buried deep inside me, almost like an inside knowledge, it comes to the fore when I accept it.
I tend to run from things where I am not wanted .. I guess it is my defence mechanism kicking in .. I prefer to walk rather than being pushed.
I am tired fighting against the wind .. I think I will just surrender to it and see where it takes me.
There is a life out there, not just an existence .. I think I need to find it.
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 
Jul 15, 2011 @ 20:57:50
Profound……..
Jul 15, 2011 @ 21:05:53
We can spend a lifetime and endless amounts of energy looking, we will never find the answers… just a way of keeping ourselves busy.
The way to find the answers is to do nothing…stop, be still and notice….notice how we are, how we see life, what feelings we have or don’t have and how people see and judge us.
Sometimes we have to stop and stand still so that people notice us, can find us and catch up with us.
Sometimes we have to stand still so that we can have truly wonderful conversations and really hear what is being said and see what is really going on.
Sometimes we need to stand still so that we can welcome our significant other into our lives and have all the time in the world to make plans……
Jul 15, 2011 @ 21:32:06
The Hardest part of any journey is the first step …..
Jul 15, 2011 @ 21:35:27
Very true Carole .. sometimes circumstances save you dithering too long over taking it!
Jul 16, 2011 @ 11:32:33
Go for it Jayne. After reading your posts over the past few weeks, I have a feeling that you’ll truly regret it if you don’t try. If it doesn’t work out then so be it, but at least you’ll have done it.
Jul 18, 2013 @ 11:18:25
Reblogged this on Brae. A gay woman's tale! and commented:
I thought, out of interest I would take a look back on where I was and my thoughts from last year ..