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A hard lesson to learn …

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There are things in life that we all must learn.

The most important of which is that you cannot make someone love you.

It does not matter what you feel, love either happens, or it does not.

Sometimes you have to accept that you cannot give the object of your affection the one thing they need to fall in love with you.   Sometimes you have to accept that whoever they fall for, can … it is not a failing on your part, it is simply life.

This “thing” cannot be bought, cannot be found .. it just exists.   It is a meeting of souls, an instant happiness of knowing that there is someone else in the world who thinks, feels and has the same values in life we have.

To be angry or bitter does not make you a big person.  It makes you a fool.   A shallow, immature, stupid fool. 

When you love someone, and I mean really love someone, you want the best for them, whether or not you can have them in your arms.

You want them to blossom, to feel loved and to love and to feel happy and at peace.

Insulting or trying to discredit someone who has done nothing but simply fall in love with someone who is not you is something beyond me … accept it …and look inside yourself.  

I have a couple of friends at the moment who are on the receiving end of bitter women and both of these women have done nothing wrong.    They simply lived their life honestly and one has now found what has eluded her for so long and I am so happy for them.   It is something they both deserve.

Break up’s are not easy to deal with, someone always gets hurt ..BUT .. ask yourself this .. do you hate the person you are angry with .. or do you still care.    Do you want them to disappear off the edge of the world or do you want them to be happy.    If you do not want someone to be happy in their life then that say’s so much more about you than I ever can.

Let people love, let them be happy let your bitterness go.

 

Striking a chord

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My good pal Radders posted this tonight in a group for ex army girls that I am in and it really struck a chord with me.

We cannot  go back to the past .. neither should we want to … I certainly don’t .. the past is the past and I cannot change what has happened to me … or what I have done.

In all honesty I do not want to … we all grow as people, we (hopefully!) learn from mistakes.. we grow .. we change .. we become.

My life has been through major changes … and I’m glad of them .. I regret nothing, there is no point in regret.

My slate has been wiped clean.   What the next chapter of my life holds, I have no idea … and that excites me…  I no longer exist .. I live ..   I have started again and my ending has yet to be written!

A surprising result

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I have always considered myself to be an extrovert .. I am not shy … I enjoy being in the company of my friends laughing and fooling around … I enjoy people’s company …BUT … I also have a real need for time on my own … I came across a blog that lists 11 signs of being an introvert … I am definitely 10 of them (the last one is not that accurate as I do tend to step up and take the lead) ….

1. You Enjoy Solitude

2. Dislike Small-talk, but enjoy in-depth conversations about topics that interest you.

3. People Say You Are A Good Listener

4. You like to think about and choose your words carefully before speaking

5. Dislike Conflict

6. You prefer to work alone and without interruptions

7. When stressed or need to recharge, you spend a few days alone by yourself.

8. Often express yourself through writing

9. People describe you as “soft-spoken” or “mellow”

10. You like people, just not all the time

11. You don’t normally like to take the lead, but will step up when no one else will.

It is funny how others see us …. today I was called “brave” by someone … I am not brave ..  I know over the last year I have had to change my life completely .. partly through choice and partly forced on me.    It was perhaps what I needed.  I was stale, my life was stale.

Now I have my new life ..  and I am genuinely happy … I have a new business that I absolutely love and I am learning things again … my brain feels as if has been sparked back into life.

As I sit here tonight, my coal fire burning, my dog and 2 cats snoozing away, I realise how lucky I am to have the life I have eventually found.  It has taken me a long, long time to get here, a lot of stress, a lot of heartbreak and a lot of confused feelings .. but I wouldn’t change anything .. not a thing … I am now who I am meant to be … I feel secure for the first time in years .. and this has given me a whole new outlook on a lot of things.

I have no drama in my life … no pressure… my new business is growing every week and I have the most wonderful friends who understand me … and love me for exactly who I am.

I have had a bit of strange year … but in a lot of ways a good year … bring on 2014 … I am ready …

Broken Butterfly

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Broken Butterfly

The pressure of expectation

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I have been taking a deliberate wee break from my blog …. this is the place where the clown mask sometimes slips and I let people see the mess inside and I have been fighting a wee battle in my head.

I have survived a very tough period in my life …and I’ve come out the other side stronger, wiser and happier than I have been in a good few years.    It wasn’t an easy journey …there were times when I didn’t like myself, when I couldn’t cope, when I just wanted to disappear.   It is a battle to try to function at any sort of level when you just want to run.    

You never quite know what is round the corner .. sometimes you find yourself in a whirlwind that picks your life up and flings it around until you are totally lost and then you struggle to find your way .. you feel overwhelmed but at the same time you feel nothing.

I hated myself then.   I am naturally a strong, optimistic woman, with a huge passion for life.    I became someone else.

I have managed to put those days behind me.  Hopefully for good but you just never know … it is like having a dark scary place at the back of your mind … you have been there, you don’t want to go back!

I am loving my new life, my second chance… I find a great peace within myself now and I have taken a decision to stay this way.  I know I am loved, I know I love, that is enough for me. The upshot is that I have decided to stay single.    This is no bad or sad thing … it is simply the right choice for me,   I do not want the pressure of expectation, I just want to be me.

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