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3.42am

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And here I am watching everyone dying from Typhus on Little House on the Prairie….

I can’t sleep tonight, my mind is too busy.

I should have had a first date on Tuesday…but my dates circumstances with arranging a care home for her mum have resulted in it being brought forward to tomorrow (technically later today!)… and all the doubts that my ex left with me are raising their ugly head.

There is still the part of me that knows she twisted things to cover up her lying and cheating… and perhaps to ease her guilt… she never once gave a thought to the hurt and chaos she was leaving behind… and it is hard to understand why she chose to fool me for so long… but she did.

I think because I was so feeling so doubtful about myself led me into dating (briefly), two women who both had problems that I didn’t have the energy or want to deal with.

The hurt my ex caused me has gone… now I know that I never knew who she really was… and in all honesty, all I feel is sorry for her.

I know I have faced up to who I am… I know I have many faults… but I can accept them… I need to fall in love again… with me… I’m trying.

Took me a while

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… but I got there!!

Another milestone …

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I am feeling pretty pleased with myself today …

I decided to go for an early swim to loosen up (it really helps!) … and when I got to the pool, I was the only one there!

I completed my planned 20 lengths … and then thought … let’s do another 10 … by the time I had completed 30, I was still the only person in the pool… so decided to do another 10 …. and again … no-one else came in! … so I ended up doing 50 … although to be fair, by the last one I was just praying to get to the end LOL

I then came home and took all seven bags of clothes to the charity shop, came home and completed 2 tributes (although to be fair, it was just the intro’s and finish I had to write for both) …

I will be making a start on the spare room later … my brother Andrew picked up the double bed yesterday and my new sofa bed arrives on Monday … I needed room for my multi gym!… but Im off to pick up a second hand DVD Player so I can play my yoga and pilates DVD’s …. Im still thinking someone kidnapped me … who am I … LOL

 

(old pic of fat me in a pool!)

swimming

and again …..

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Another clear out … I know I should be happy with my weight loss but it is costing me a fortune in new clothes LOL

Every single jacket (bar one… my favourite tartan one) and every coat has been replaced!

Today’s clear out!

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Or fools gold…

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… and so it begins..

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I have a date.

Actually I have two, with the same woman… we met on line but she lives locally and she wanted to meet up… we arranged a coffee date and then I took fright! (I have no confidence in my own judgement!)… so I invited a whole load of my friends too!

I knew she found it a bit strange and I felt a bit stupid (and a bit of a wimp)… so I called her and have arranged to meet her on my own (and Sprout) on Tuesday for a walk and coffee…

I explained how I was feeling and she is very understanding about it… never thought my confidence would be so low… but we will see… if nothing romantic happens, at least I will have a new pal!

The deer poo saga…

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I was on my way home from Perth today when I received a message from Kat, my dog walker.

Sprout, being the charming little sausage that she is, had rolled in deer poo!… Kat had wiped her down but Sprout was in desperate need of a shower.

As it turned out… I had to give her two… she was still stinky after the first… and was not too impressed when I had to chuck her back into the bath!

Now she is all shiny and smelling lovely… and looking quite the princess in her new collar.

Photo’s are of her laughing (I’m sure she was!) just after her poo rolling episode…. and how she looks tonight…

A good clear out …

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I seem to be making a habit of clear outs! …. another one today … but I have kept hold off a couple of “big shirts” … mainly because I like them and they will make great beach cover up’s …

A picture of me getting my 25lb award at WW last night ….

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Love …

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From Fleabag … Andrew Scott’s speech

“Love is awful. It’s awful. It’s painful. Frightening. It makes you doubt yourself. Judge yourself. Distance yourself from other people in your life. Makes you selfish. Makes you creepy. Makes you obsessed with your hair. Makes you cruel. Makes you say and do things you never thought you would do. It’s all any of us wants and it’s hell when we get there. So no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own…. I was taught if we’re born with love it’s all about finding the right place to put it. That when it feels right, it’s easy. I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.”

it did.

Another good week!

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25 lbs lost now…. and not smoking!! I’m feeling rather chuffed with myself.

It’s been hard work…and a lot of time spent in the gym and pool but I’m just loving it. It was difficult to do anything physical with my constant back pain but thanks to Fife Physiotherapy, especially Abdur… my back is so much easier… who would have ever thought I would be loving swimming, Zumba, Pilates, Yoga, Water Aerobics and the Gym…. I’m shocking myself!!

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