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Attitude .. and a lesson in life

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“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes. “

~ Charles Swindoll

Bugger it!

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I’m off work today .. I felt a bit unwell at work yesterday but had a bad night and I feel totally wiped out today.

My blood pressure is  high again, I took a reading last night and again this morning and it hasn’t really changed.  It’s not at the “drop down dead” stage by any means but it is higher than it should be.

I’m not keen to do to the doctors again, the last time I had a problem with my blood pressure they couldn’t decide whether it was because I had a wee virus that was putting it up, or that it was my blood pressure that was making me feel to tired and unwell.

I am having a “doing bugger all” day just slobbing around, dozing, keeping warm and refusing to let my mind think about anything.

I am hoping that by tomorrow I am feeling a bit like myself again, I want to go out to meet the gals in Edinburgh tomorrow night.

Thankfully it is only a week until I fly off with three friends for a lovely holiday in Lesbos .. I don’t think it can come round soon enough!

I really need to chill, kick back, laugh my demons away….. even the thought of that makes me feel a wee bit better!

 

 

With a cutie on my lap…

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Doesn’t often happen so thought I would share this picture of Bailey and I!

CJ and Bailey

Leave the drama at the door

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I’m at the age where my priorities and outlook from what I want from life are much more simple and less “idealised” than what I wanted in my youth.

I no longer want to conquer the world or be a millionaire, I no longer envy what other people have because I have everything in my life that makes me contented and happy.  I would like to share this with someone.

I don’t want a partner to change or rock my world, I just want someone who understands me and my life. I simply want to keep being contented and have someone who makes me smile, understands my need for “me time” and doesn’t expect me to be the reason for their happiness or security.

I want a partner who has a life, enjoys her life, lives her life and has space in it to share some of her time with me and to look forward to our shared time together.

A relationship has to be a shared experience, not always 50/50 as sometimes one or the other will need support and understanding but it has to work both ways.

I don’t want to be rushed into things or made to feel guilty about parts of me and my make up that I have accepted and don’t want to change. I do not want to be changed, I simply want to be me, with someone who is comfortable in their own skin and life and someone that is happy to have me in their life to compliment it .. not to make it.

I want honesty, reliability and affection.  I want to compromise, not give in.   I want to laugh, not worry.

Too much to ask for?  You tell me..

How others see us…

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O, wad some Power the giftie gie us

To see oursels as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
An’ foolish notion.
What airs in dress an’ gait wad lea’e us
An’ ev’n Devotion 

Robert Burns

Stop.

Sometimes in life we just have to stop.   Look around, weigh things up and be honest with ourselves.

I have always said that I have at last found myself and I truly believe I have.

Behind me I have a life that I have lived to the full.   I have achieved a lot, lost a lot, laughed a lot and cried a lot.

I have lived and I wouldn’t change a thing.

My way’s are not always right for other people but they are right for me.

If I was asked to describe myself in 10 words they would be

  1. Friendly
  2. Honest
  3. Open
  4. Grumpy
  5. Loving
  6. Kind
  7. Fat
  8. Impatient
  9. Sorted
  10. Lesbian
But I stress this is how I see ME!  … I would love to see how others see me .. be honest .. no offence will be taken .. honest!

A wet weekend

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It looks as if this weekend is going to be a wet one .. which is a bit of a bugger since I am (for the 2nd weekend running!) stuck at my cottage with Brae, who still has her stitches from her cruciate ligament repair.

I was planning to get out into the garden (and hopefully the weather will let me do this!) but it is not going to be a weekend for trying to brown my “peelly wally” skin in preparation of a week being a slob in Lesvos in a couple of weeks.

I love my wee cottage and the peace of mind that it brings me, I am happy to spend time on my own (well .. with my dug!) but when it is forced upon me as when I was snowed in for fortnight during the winter… or now because of Brae’s leg, I feel trapped, restless, not at peace.

I can keep myself busy even if I can’t get out in the garden.. I am going to start making paper logs for my fire (free fuel.. love it!), I am going to finish packing for my holiday, I can reorganise cupboards again, I can rock on my chair and drool .. you know .. lots of things!

<sigh>

Mostly I am going to concentrate on getting back to a peaceful state of mind .. I may also read, watch some films, play with my iPod ..

So … that’s my wet weekend … JEEZ Im getting boring!

Politics .. urghhhh! BUT this is important!

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It is not often I take an interest in politics .. apart from to “tut” now and again at some of the weird and wonderful things that come out of both the Scottish and UK Government’s bowels.

However, sometimes I do take a strong opinion on things .. and today is one of them.

For those of you who do not know him, Brian Souter (owner of Stagecoach) claims to be a religious man, but again, one of those bigots who hides behind religion in order to justify his hatred.

He donated a million pounds to the campaign to keep clause 28 .. You can read about him on Wikipedia here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Souter

Mr Souter has been awarded a knighthood and there is a campaign to have this revoked.

It is free to sign and you can sign it here http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/notosoutersknighthood/

Is it right that such a bigot can be rewarded just because he has money and gives money to the SNP?

There is something very wrong with our country if this is the case.

He is simply an evil man who uses religion to justify his bigoted views.  Its about time decent people stood up to people like him.

Should you fight for love?

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I was speaking to a friend last night who was asking my advice (I know .. I laughed too!) ..  

Her “problem” was that she had met someone who she really liked but the relationship is not going smoothly.  The girl who she has met was honest with her from the start and said she was not looking for a serious relationship and was dating other people.

My friend however, wants to take this relationship to a new level.  She asked me whether she should lay her cards on the table and fight for this.

My first instinct was to tell her that she had to sit down and talk to her “friend” but on reflection I think I may have given her the wrong advice.

Relationships have to be a two way thing, both of you need to put effort in.  A one sided relationship never works and the person putting the most effort in is usually the one who gets hurt.

I have twice fought to keep a relationship going, once I lost, once I thought I had won.  In reflection I never won.  It ended up being a relationship where I felt I was the one putting all the effort in with no emotional or physical return and in the end I just gave up.   In hindsight I was wrong to fight, I should have just let it go and moved on.

Maybe I’m too cynical these days to fight, maybe I’m just tired, I don’t know.  What I do know is that no matter how good you are at fighting in the end you will lose.

I know that there are women out there who like to be fought for.  What that says about their insecurities and their emotional maturity needs a wiser woman than me to work out but I know that I would never again want to be with a woman who made me fight for her.

Cynical or wise?   I’m not sure!

Comments for and against welcome!

Broken…

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Those of you that know me, know that I am a keen recycler .. and I’m also a Fifer, reknowned for our short arms and long pockets!

I love Freegle .. I give stuff away, I’ve picked up some lovely plants for my garden and have watched in wonderment as people have given away amazing stuff .. including a 17 ft boat!

My wee cottage is still in need of a little TLC, and because I am thinking of having either a real fire or log burner installed I thought I would do something about the broken tiles on my fire hearth.

I asked on Freegle today if anyone had double edged rounded tiles from an old fireplace they wanted to get rid off.  Within 2 minutes of posting my message I had an email back from a lovely chap saying he was renovating his house and I was welcome to any of the old tiles that I wanted.

I emailed him back with my number and he rang to discuss directions.  We arranged for me to pop over this evening after work to pick them up.

Off I trotted (all dressed up with open toe sandals on because we had a photo taken for a local newspaper today) to his house this evening, driving through a thunderstorm and floods to get there.

He met me at the door, all smiley and nice and welcomed me in .. the house was in a bit of a state, but when you are renovating and pulling fireplaces out it is bound to be.. right … WRONG!!

The fireplace was still in one piece and he handed me a hammer and wall scraper (not even a proper thing to remove tiles with!) and stood there yapping to me about how his wife had run off with a 21 year old so he had decided to pull the house to bits to get the valuation lowered! … it then dawned on me that he wasn’t really renovating he was just wrecking the place.

The leather sofa’s had also been spray painted … the electricity wires hanging out the wall and the doors hanging off the wall…

There is me .. sandals, work clothes, chipping away at tiles trying to make small talk and all the time just wanting to get out of that place.  In the end I managed to smash about 4 tiles and announced (probably much too cheerfully) ..” oh these are great .. this will do me”.

I left got in my car and had to laugh at my situation .. it never dawned on me to ask if the tiles were still stuck to the fireplace ..

I learned a lesson ..   even if it did freak me out a bit!

Oh … and the broken bits of tiles … they are in the bin!

 

Expectation and Acceptance

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photo by hto2008

All of us have expectations from life, love and ourselves that we try to accomplish and reach every day of our lives.

From the moment we are born we are in a world where expectations of us, by us and by others effects everything we do, every decision we make and every moment we breathe.

As we meander down our path of life we will often fall short of these expectations, whether we choose to or inadvertently do so.  This is life.

 

 

This is the wonderful crazy world we live in where expectations will lead to disappointment in reality.

As people, the pressure of expectation from others but more importantly from ourselves is the driving force that pushes us ahead in life, keeps us going, keeps us human.

We will never receive all we expect from life or from someone and the balance between expectation and acceptance can be a battle that will never be won.

When we can accept that we will never reach all that is expected of us, professionally or emotionally then the world seems a much friendly place.

Not everyone will accept that their expectation of us is unrealistic, not everyone will accept differences but that is their attitude and one thing that we cannot expect to change, we just have to accept it.

I know that from previous experiences in life that I have often failed peoples expectation of me and more importantly what I have expected from myself. There is little I can about this apart from accept it.    I realised today that throughout all my previous relationships and failures the one common factor in this is me.

I have two choices now .. do I beat myself up about it, or accept it for what it is?

I have decided to accept it.   The past is in the past, I cannot change it and, in a way, I really do not want to.   I have learned lessons that will allow me to continue to evolve as the imperfect person that I am.

I am happy to accept that.

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