The whole situation around Alice Alice is causing me a bit of frustration at the moment … so far I have lost out on two holidays, including a trip to Lfest in Llandudno, that I was really looking forward to.

To be honest, I feel a bit trapped.   I look outside and Alice Alice is sitting there, but since she is not roadworthy I cannot drive her anywhere and having to follow the correct procedures as advised by Citizens Advice is just making things drag on and on … and I am not one known for my patience!

I know, that this time, I have to follow the law … but I have a feeling that it will come down to me having to pay for repairs to be done and then attempt to claim the money back … so she will either cost me more or I end up selling her and losing money.

Alice Alice was bought to give me some peace and hope after the break up of a relationship … but now I see her as just part of the pain that it all caused and Im really not sure I want to keep her… perhaps it would be better to just take it on the chin and walk away.

On the other hand, I want the freedom to just go … find a quiet beach or viewpoint and be able to sit with wee Sprout and just relax … and because of the many gay women camping groups that I am a member of, I will have the opportunity to meet new friends.

Maybe the whole Alice Alice thing goes deeper than I am aware … she isn’t just a motorhome, but the symbol of my new life and freedom … and perhaps my lack of sleep is more to to with the fact that although I am ready and willing to move on … I feel stuck and unable to do so because of the problems with her.

I have this wee dream of sitting at a beach, as the sun slowly sinks in the horizon, drinking wine around a wee fire and holding hands with someone special … feeling happy, calm and wanted … but at the moment all I can see is a can of petrol, a motorhome in flames and me dancing naked around it cheering …. *sigh*