I have just had a very interesting online conversation with someone who has just read my blog. I don’t know this girl and she does not know me .. but she liked the blog and asked why I came across so cynical towards love.
It was a hard question to answer … and I’m not sure I know the answer to it anyway.
She went onto say that 2 months ago she met a woman who is her “soul mate”, they are looking for flat together now and talking about having a family in the future and looking into the best way of doing this.
I asked her if she felt this was a long enough time to know someone to make these types of decisions and her reply was “Yes, everytime I see her I just want to make love to her”.
Now .. I’m all for a bit of passion and butterflies, but to build a “relationship” on the fact that you want to have sex with someone is, in my opinion, a recipe for disaster.
It takes me a while to fall in love, but when I love, I do love, maybe not in a huge passionate way, but in my way. I like to see what is left after the passion dies down a bit.
Maybe I have this all wrong .. I am really not sure … maybe I think differently, maybe I’m more cautious, but I certainly wouldn’t commit like that after 2 months!
What do you think?? Am I wrong?
Brae. A gay woman's tale! 
Jan 06, 2013 @ 10:48:05
I totally agree with you. What this couple are experiencing in my opinion is the first feelings of attraction…lust and passion. It’s the most powerful feeling ever and scrambles your judgement and reality. It’s an amazing feeling that doesn’t last forever, it changes over time and either fizzles out or deepens into love, respect and deep friendship. It is not a time to plan you’re future as a stable, long term couple but it’s almost impossible not to when these immense feelings are consuming your life. I expect no one can tell the 2 people in question this and make them slow down, lust is the overriding factor. I hope this experience has a happy ending. In my experience the lustful phase can disappear to literally nothing but disappointment and the feeling of astonishment that it could’ve happened so fast and ended so suddenly.
Jan 06, 2013 @ 10:54:13
Yes I agree with you. Unfortunately the feeling of lust is what some people hanker for all the time .. when it begins to die down they are left feeling less excited and empty. The ironic thing for me is that this is when I feel most comfortable, I do not trust lust … been caught out too often in the past!
Jan 06, 2013 @ 18:48:22
I know how she feels. I once fell for someone like that and we wanted to be with eachother all the time. We got CP’d and the love lasted many years. Sometimes you just fall for someone on day one and you know it’s right. I don’t think I will ever find that kind of love again.
Jan 06, 2013 @ 12:04:45
It is hard to reason with people who have fallen in lust. I have been fortunate enough to have fallen in lust and it developed into a deep, all encompassing love. I remember the need to be together all the time and wanting to pile into bed at the drop of a hat. I don’t remember when it turned into the comfortable existence I now have but I’m glad it did. I can’t imagine dealing with the lust as a pensioner. My other half may be ten years younger than me but she had a more sensible approach than my gungho. She said we should see how we felt after six weeks and then after six months. It worked for us because we were reviewing our feelings. Maybe having goals is the way to sort out the lust from the love.
Jan 06, 2013 @ 12:15:31
This is the stage when you’re still trying to show your best side and hide all your nasty habits, it isn’t reality. It’s the stage when you want to be together 24/7 and rip each others clothes off. Then comes the stage where you just want to be left in peace for a while to chew your toenails. In the words of my
favourite fridge magnet – ‘How can I miss you if you won’t go away?’
Since we’ve been together we’ve both had major surgery and looked after each other. We’ve listened to each others moaning after a crap shift at work, given each other colds and argued over the tissues. All those things that aren’t remotely romantic or sexy but are far more important on the larger scale.
Personally, I struggle to commit until the relationship is measured in years, not months or weeks!!
Jan 06, 2013 @ 13:20:39
You have the better idea I think. Once the passion subsides to a simmering glow then there needs to be something else to bond you together. If there isn’t then the relationship could fail xx
Jan 07, 2013 @ 18:42:42
I used to be that girl, just relying on lust to tell me truths. More than once I let lust take control and it got me nowhere in the end. I think you have to wait for the love to set in, love comes from a much deeper place than lust. Love takes time, hardship, commitment. Love is much harder and when you love someone you know the cute little freckle that she has on the back of her neck…when you’re in lust you overlook the details. and trust me the truth is in the details.
Oct 18, 2013 @ 09:28:55
I wonder if they are still together now…..
Oct 18, 2013 @ 09:38:15
No …. they are not …