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When it all comes together ….

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There is good and bad in every situation and every emotion that we feel.

For most of us we recognise the difference between negative stress and positive stress, a fulfilling love and a destructive love, and a sense of happiness that comes from within or that we have to find from elsewhere.

Some of us have had all three negatives hit us at once and it is very hard to describe what it feels like when your head cannot stop thinking and you just stop feeling anything positive or good at all.  These are dark, destructive times when it takes most of our determination to just get up and plod on through the day, we stop living, we start existing.

However, these times do pass.. we find our path again, we find ourselves again and life starts turning around until one day we suddenly realise that we are happy, content and looking forward to living again.   

This is not always achieved on our own merits, but by the love and care of our friends.  I have a few people to be very thankful to .. I will not embarrass them by naming them but they know the times I have felt happy in their presence, calm, laughing and allowing me to be me .. I am very grateful for those times.    I will never be able to repay some of these people for the fantastic gift of peace and fun that they managed to give me back.  

I will not forget.

 

 

 

Ooooh!!

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I heard on the radio today that the Panda’s at Edinburgh Zoo are coming into their mating season … seemingly the female gives out a mating cry and the male stands on his hands ..

At the pub this afternoon we were discussing how much easier this would make our lives if humans done the same sort of thing … I mean how easy would it be to read the signs if a woman started making noises at you (and I don’t mean nagging!) or flipped over and stood on her hands …

However, there is a downside to this … I’m old .. the chances of me ever managing to stand on my hands (unless someone was holding my legs!) is nil …. and if I made little noises people would probably think it’s wind …. *sigh*

My days of fornication and fun would soon be over!

Childhood friends

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I take friendship very seriously, I have a small circle of close friends who know me very well. They know the persona beneath the clown mask and they still like me!  (surprising I know!).

Some of my friends stretch back to my primary school days, some from my teenage years, my army days. some are ex lovers and some I have found in my more “adult” years.   

I know I am very lucky as those that I class as “close friends” are always there for me, as I am always there for them.

We have seen each other through some tough times, some great times and have cried and laughed, shouted and argued at some point, but still we come through, happy to enjoy each other’s company and laugh at each other’s shortcomings and failings.

Last night I spent the evening in the company of an old standing friend of 30 years.. she was always the friend I looked up to at school, the one I always wanted to be like.   In the end we have turned out very different… she is slim, fit and a twice divorcee, I am fat, unfit and a lesbian but still we have this wonderful friendship based on the trust and loyalty that we have for each other.

The great thing about us is that we really talk, I mean complete honesty, no holds barred and we have had nights when we have howled with laughter at some of our escapades (boy could we blackmail each other!!) .. and others when we have talked deeply about relationships, our worries and our fears.

Last night was a bit of a mix but mainly we talked about how we have changed in our outlook about life and our priorities and how sometimes we (as in everyone) lose out on being happy because of our guilt or our fear of how others will judge or see us.

We came to the conclusion that in the end does it really matter? … what does matter is how we are, how happy we are and how we have to put ourselves first and let all the responsibility of others depend on them, not us.

We are 52 years old (well technically she is still 51 .. but hey!) .. we have lived the majority of our lives by now .. we now know who we are and what is important to us.

The little rules we have made, the little beliefs we have … we should let them go .. in the end the only thing that the majority of us can leave behind that is of any importance is a wee smile in someone’s heart at a memory.   

I want to leave lots of smiles.

If …

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I was thinking today about how we all deal with breakup’s and how they effect our thinking and attitude towards future relationships.   All very deep stuff that I will not bore you with, especially as this is always a very personal thing .. and there is no right or wrong .. some people can go from one love to another easily, others need to take time to let the love they feel change to a love they can understand or a forgiveness that gives them peace.

However, thinking back on past personal relationships I realised something rather sad .. or pathetic, depending on how you look at it….. I have often given time to people, second chances to people and I have waited…jeez how I’ve waited at times … BUT .. I’ve never had anyone who waited for me …

I am not sure if that says something good about me .. or bad about me …  but I find it rather sad …

The Perfect Storm

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We all feel the rise and fall of the waves of life at times.

I know I did for a major part of last year and it has really only been in the past couple of months that I have truly felt a bit more like me again.

I am certainly happier, I am certainly more at peace but I am still very tired for a lot of the time.   Hopefully this will be sorted out soon.. I am sure it will.

In the meantime I have hit this lovely plateau of peace and relaxation that I am currently taking a wee rest in .. and I think I will for the forseeable future.

For all of you out there who are going through a stormy time, just hang on, it will blow past.. I promise … sometimes you need a storm to really focus on what is important to you.

Feel

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I have decided to take a break from thinking too deeply and blogging at the moment .. I am in a very peaceful place again and sometimes you have to give your mind a break and just go with how things feel.Image

Thinking …

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Life is all about relationships

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I was watching Mrs Brown’s boys tonight … and at the end the words “life is all about relationships” were uttered from Mrs B’s charming mouth.

It got me thinking ….

Life IS all about relationships .. we start our lives bonding and forming relationships with our parents, our siblings, our family, until we reach the age where we begin to make choices in our relationships, who our friends are, who our best friends are … who our crushes are ..

Each relationship we have is not always the right or best relationship, but it is a relationship that serves it’s purpose at that time.   Sometimes these relationships (as friends or lovers) do last the tests of time … sometimes not.

Sometimes relationships break down because it is all to easy to forget that a relationship of any kind is based on team work – on two people, who have to take responsibility for their actions and the reactions that they might cause.

A successful relationship will only work if two people are realistic enough to understand that nothing is ever perfect, you will disagree, you will argue, you will cry, you will get angry.   You will also agree, smile, laugh, love and will find a peace in you that is too special to lose.

 

 

Do you believe in Star signs?

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capricorn

I am NOT a great believe in star signs at all … BUT … I had an email today from one of my friends (also a Capricorn.. but NOTHING like me at all!) … she found this .. and decided it was me to a tee! … unfortunately I have to agree with her …. it did make me laugh .. and for my friends who know me well .. I think you will “mostly” agree too!!   

The Capricorn partner

Relationships aren’t easy for Capricorn. You might expect this, since control is always important to the Goat, and letting down the solid protection of that suit of armour takes a lot of effort. Capricorns wear that suit of armour for so long that it gets rusty at the hinges, and you hear some pretty loud groans and protests as it comes off. And no matter how much they love, there’s always a last secret place inside which Capricorns won’t relinquish. They’re often loners, climbing their own private mountains. And sometimes they won’t allow themselves to accept either help or sympathy when the going is rough. Thanks very much, they’ll manage on their own.

They will often work hard to help friends and loved ones in need, and they know how to give, especially when it comes to the things of the world. But sometimes they don’t know how to receive very well. Capricorn pride is ferocious, and no Goat can bear a situation of weakness and dependency. That means not being in control.

Capricorns are secret romantics, but they won’t allow their romanticism to dictate their decisions. They will often sacrifice the great romantic love for the safe, suitable partner who is a social asset as well. They may throw everything away for an ideal, or for family, or in the name of service; but love? Not likely. Capricorn wants a stable life, and takes vows and promises seriously. Better not to promise than to marry in haste, repent at leisure, and have hefty maintenance payments afterward.

Some Capricorns take a long time to make a real commitment. If you’re in a hurry, pick another sign. Yet this isn’t a bad way to be. Capricorns place more value on deep respect, duty, loyalty and the power of the family bond than on a few months of wild passion. Not that they turn their backs on passion. This is an earth sign, and the sexual drive is often strong. But many Capricorns keep this side of themselves out of their serious relationships, because they often don’t trust their passions.

Unless you’re the childlike type looking for a parent- surrogate, be prepared for a challenge. A Capricorn will always try to take charge in a relationship. She isn’t interested in submission, dependency or abdication of power. If you hurt her pride or take away her self-respect, she won’t forgive or forget. Because of that earthy, controlled nature, she may also find it hard to express love and affection spontaneously. Sexual attraction, yes; but love can make her vulnerable. The Capricorn partner may love you deeply, but you may never hear it said. Yet she’s deeply drawn to those who can loosen her up a bit.

The same thing that makes many Capricorns secret spiritual seekers also makes them seekers after people who are able to open up the romantic and imaginative side of life for them. This old-young woman needs a partner who can help her free her inner child. The trouble is that, when Capricorns find this kind of partner, they often take the role of a stern parent with a child, repressing rather than encouraging spontaneity. Yet if Capricorns can let that stern, stiff streak be thawed by the gifts of love and trust, they truly have the world at their feet. Then there is no more loyal and devoted partner, nor one more worthy of lifelong respect.

The Capricorn woman

It may be hard to imagine a woman who embodies the father- principle. But Capricorn women do. This doesn’t make them “masculine”. Quite the reverse: they often have a subtle, magnetic, quietly self-possessed quality which is powerfully attractive. Masculine? Not in the sense people usually use the word. But look again. The Capricorn woman is shrewd and perceptive. She’d rather use diplomacy than argue aggressively; she is usually calm, cool, and self-contained but does not have patience to deal with dishonesty and certainly does not suffer fools gladly!

Although upfront and straight talking, she is also smart enough to know that you don’t confront power directly, and therefore, if she wants something from you, you usually end up thinking that you came up with the idea yourself. She can twist you around with such finesse that you’re convinced she’s fragile and helpless, and your self-importance swells visibly. Ah, poor you. No Capricorn is fragile or helpless. All Capricorn women are born with stainless steel spines.

This doesn’t mean Capricorn women use people. Some do; their realism (and sometimes outright calculating cynicism) makes them choose partners who can provide material security and status or help them with a creative career. But many are devoted partners who offer their powerful will, determination and worldly wisdom to help you in your career. Playing the power behind the throne suits the Capricorn woman quite well. That is, as long as you respect her for it, and don’t take her love and devotion for granted.

Capricorns need to manage something. If no career attracts her enough to earn her commitment, her partner can become her career. Then she’ll organise your life and direct your energy, sometimes to your gain but often to your detriment if the goals you’re pursuing are really secretly hers. She really needs a place in her life where she can apply her gifts outside her personal relationships. Let her get on with it, and give her all your support. Capricorn needs to feel accomplished in something. Beware of the Capricorn woman who doesn’t recognise that she even has the drive. Unconsciously, she’ll begin to make you her accomplishment. That’s not usually a recipe for happiness.

Time and experience are great healers for Capricorn. The Capricorn woman is at her best as she gets older, blossoming into the warmest, richest side of the sign later in life. When she has learned to stand confidently on her own feet in life, she is free to release the gentler, more sensitive and caring side of her nature. The Capricorn woman who has passed the test of her own survival, and knows that she can function in the world through her own efforts, has learned wisdom and compassion along the way. If you’re looking for a flamboyant showgirl, this isn’t the sign to choose. If you’re looking for intelligence, grit, tenacity, insight, loyalty and a delightfully ironic sense of humour, look no further; you’ve found your match.

Out of the twelve Zodiac signs, Capricorn is most compatible with Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces, and is least compatible with Gemini, Aries, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius.

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