Brae. A gay woman's tale!

Sometimes … well .. more than sometimes .. I can get on my high horse.. I can huff and puff, swear a bit and occassionally try to kick an arse or two!

I make no apologies for me .. it’s all part of who I am .. and sometimes even though I annoy people, I like to say what I think.

Today I read that an American woman who fell into a fountain whilst she was texting is going to sue ..  you can see the video by clicking here (ignore the adverts at the beginning).   What is wrong with people!  Stupid twit that she is!

On a more serious note there are other people out there who think nothing of using others and getting their own way by emotional blackmail.   The old “I really love you” , “I really need you”,  “I can’t go on without you”   “I will fling myself under a bus/truck” type.   To be honest I run a mile from people like this.  They really have no part in my life.

I hate to see friends of mine and others being badly treated by these “sweetness and light” people … however, it did take me a long time to learn that.   I have fallen for the old “you don’t really love me”, “It’s your fault I feel like this” trick once too often .. but they were my lessons to learn and now I am glad I have because I can spot it coming a mile away.

These people really make me go Grrrrrrrrrr .. more than the drivers who pull out in front of me, the slow queues in the bank (Santander in Kirkcaldy .. get your friggin finger out!) , or just eejits in general – it really doesn’t take much for me to go Grrrrrrr! but I am just as easy to be made to go Prrrrrrrrr! too!

Anyway .. that’s my Grrrrrr! for today .. (so far!)

All of us expect to be able to choose our friends and what knowledge they have about you in real life.  Online should be no different.    I have a facebook account and I have chosen who I let see information.   I have also chosen NOT to allow my information to become public to those who are not connected to me.

Through this I have lost a “real life” friend on facebook.  It is rather more complicated than that but suffice to say that she is involved with someone who I want nothing to do with.   This friend gave her password to her partner who then “fraped” her (childish I know!) but I objected to this person having access to my information and had no choice but to remove my “real life” friend from my friends list.  To be honest I didn’t want to do this.. she is funny, articulate and intelligent and I enjoy her posts and her banter .. I have tried to explain how I feel but I was just shouted down.

She is not someone I want to fall out with.. she has her life to lead and she has chosen what information she shows to people on facebook .. yet objects to me wanting privacy from someone who should not have access to what I put on facebook.  

I do not know if I am being overly suspicious .. but I have also sent texts that were friendly and sociable that were never received… or if they were .. they were deleted… I find this very strange and slightly worrying.

I do not know how to solve this ..  opinions welcome…

Coming out of a relationship can be an emotionally traumatic time for many of us.  We often feel worthless and full of doubt about ourselves.   Often parting words are aimed to hurt, sometimes as a way of lashing out, but sometimes, and sadly very often, these words are meant in a cruel and callous manner.

We have all been guilty of deliberately saying things that would hurt our partner or our ex, none of us are innocent BUT some people take this to a whole new level.

I am lucky, me recent ex and I are quite good friends and although there have been verbal shots (from both sides!), at the end of the day we respect and like each.   This cannot be said for everyone.

I read today a little saying ““Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong”.  This is so true.

Weak and emotionally immature people deliberately lash out verbally to get a reaction, they aim to hurt.   Often they do, but more often than not they simply show themselves up for what they are.

The impression of image and superiority is often important to these people as the realisation of their true status is often too much for them to bear.

There is a lesson in being gracious, one that I still have to remember at times but I’m getting there and I’m not afraid to admit that I am far from perfect.

Certainly we should and we do NEED to love ourselves, but we have to make sure we do not confuse this with false pride.   Pride is important, but too much pride is a burden and frankly makes a fool of you.

So next time you think about lashing out to try to make a fool of someone, stop, think… just who are you making a fool of … the answer is in your mirror.

Yup .. I’m Stuck!

My car is snowed in, the lane, cleared only yesterday, is now back to almost knee height in snow!

It means that I cannot get to work or visit anyone, and plans to have a friend visit this weekend have been cancelled as I doubt very much I would be able to pick her up from the station!

There is  nothing I can do, apart from sit here (in my PJ’s and slippers) and wait until I can get back to leading a normal life again.

Sometimes things do take us by surprise, things that we have no control over, whether it be the weather or our emotional feelings, or how someone else treats us.

Things change, they always do..  You just have to sometimes accept that there is nothing you can do.   Just accept what is happening and roll with it.

I’ve always been a cautious person with my heart.   I’ve always been cautious with who I let in to see the “whole” of me.

I am a woman of many sides but people sometimes only get to know part of me as I keep the other parts of me hidden and protected.  Sometimes I have made a mistake and let people in only to be left feeling disappointed or hurt with them, but it has all been worthwhile as all the experiences have made me who I am and I am very comfortable with that now.

Often in relationships I have left part of me to one side, part of me that hasn’t shone for a variety of reasons, more often than not I have mothballed my interests in an attempt to change into the person my partner wants me to be.

I have written before about what I now want and how I no longer will compromise on this.  Often I have had to balance with what I want with what I have and in the end it is never enough for me.  I have come to realise that I need someone who can accept and appreciate all of me, someone who understands that some nights I just want to read, or write or be a slob.  I get frustrated with always having to do things that do not interest me and in the end I just stop doing them.

I realise that what I now need is someone “just like me…” who has the same values, interests and thoughts on the world.  I have done the “opposites attract” thing and it’s not for me.  Now I need someone on my wavelength who can discuss the things I really want to talk about .. someone who can be open with feelings BUT cautious and controlled with them until the time is right.  Someone who has felt the pain of a broken heart, has battled life and won and who understands that people need to be themselves in order to grow.  I think I may have found someone….

I wrote this a few months ago … but right now it has never been so relevant …    The Mirror