All of us, no matter how confident or outgoing we seem, have our demons that hold us back or stop us from really living how we want to live.

I have mine.

It is something that I have known for a while but I have tried to ignore it, in the hope that it will solve itself.

I am beginning to doubt that it will.

I have written before about how cautious I am with my heart, and I am.   I know I made an error and gave it away too easily earlier in the year, only to have to quickly grab it back and wrap it up tightly again.

Perhaps too tightly.

I have friends. I have a lot of friends, wonderful, fun people who warm my heart and make me glad to have them in my life but sometimes, just sometimes … I feel alone …and the sad thing is, I am actually scared of NOT feeling alone, just incase it all proves to be fools gold again.

I like to think I am semi intelligent woman..  but In reality I allow myself to fool myself over affairs of the heart.  Why I do this I have no idea .. hope, pride .. who knows ..  but I have become so cynical that the thought of entering into a new relationship actually worries me.

I look around and I see disasters waiting to happen, I see people fall in and out of “love” with ultimate ease…  and I just don’t understand.

Gone are the days of the little flutter of excitement at the “possibility” of something developing, gone are the days of flirting and the “challenge” .. now I just feel comfortable with the thought of friendship.

That scares me.