Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I have had plenty of fun tonight planning my trip for later in the month … a mixture of meeting with friends and some time alone with Sprout to do my own thing!

First stop Ayr for two nights followed by the Lake District for two nights and then Jedburgh for three nights! … I decided to go from Saturday to Saturday to hopefully avoid the Bank Holiday traffic! … and it will give me a couple of days at home to sort myself out!

I did originally have two weeks booked off but decided to cancel my second week and perhaps take an extended holiday later in September, when I plan to do the NC500 … although it does seem I could do it quite easily in a week… so I may just take a few long weekends instead! … I know that seems funny coming from someone who is self employed, but if I don’t work, I don’t get paid! … so taking a full week off can work out very expensive!

Now I can start getting excited!

Recovering from a broken relationship is not easy.   It takes time and a lot of soul searching to really look inside and try to find your peace.

Jumping into another relationship is not what I do.  I can’t.  I need my space to process all the feelings and try to make sense of things.   I can’t commit to another relationship just to mask what I feel.

I have learned that, for me, it is best to sit back and let things unfold in their own time.  The hurt and the pain need to find a release and I then need to find a new balance in my life.

Friends have been encouraging me to “get out there” and meet someone new … but I really just do not want to.  I am still hurting too much and if I am honest, still in love with my ex, or  at least the woman I thought I knew.

I am not a woman who falls in love easily… and I am not a woman who falls out of love easily either.   When I love, I really love.  That is a blessing and a curse at the same time.

For all the confusion and the anger that the feeling of complete and utter worthlessness that I have been through these past months, I still cannot believe that my heart still loves … but it does and I have to accept that and try to move on with that burden.

I know that clocks cannot be turned back, I know that trust and respect cannot be rebuilt and I know that the hurt of knowing I was replaced so quickly will be a pain that remains with me.

But … I know all of this … and, as my friends know, I admit it.   Life has not given me what I thought I wanted, and I will accept that.   Maybe, just maybe, in the destinations I am heading for, I will meet someone who can love honestly and openly.  Maybe I won’t … and that’s ok too.

I know that whatever life brings my way I will always be me, honest, outspoken but true.

That is good enough for me.