flying heart

Recovering from a broken relationship is not easy.   It takes time and a lot of soul searching to really look inside and try to find your peace.

Jumping into another relationship is not what I do.  I can’t.  I need my space to process all the feelings and try to make sense of things.   I can’t commit to another relationship just to mask what I feel.

I have learned that, for me, it is best to sit back and let things unfold in their own time.  The hurt and the pain need to find a release and I then need to find a new balance in my life.

Friends have been encouraging me to “get out there” and meet someone new … but I really just do not want to.  I am still hurting too much and if I am honest, still in love with my ex, or  at least the woman I thought I knew.

I am not a woman who falls in love easily… and I am not a woman who falls out of love easily either.   When I love, I really love.  That is a blessing and a curse at the same time.

For all the confusion and the anger that the feeling of complete and utter worthlessness that I have been through these past months, I still cannot believe that my heart still loves … but it does and I have to accept that and try to move on with that burden.

I know that clocks cannot be turned back, I know that trust and respect cannot be rebuilt and I know that the hurt of knowing I was replaced so quickly will be a pain that remains with me.

But … I know all of this … and, as my friends know, I admit it.   Life has not given me what I thought I wanted, and I will accept that.   Maybe, just maybe, in the destinations I am heading for, I will meet someone who can love honestly and openly.  Maybe I won’t … and that’s ok too.

I know that whatever life brings my way I will always be me, honest, outspoken but true.

That is good enough for me.