Brae. A gay woman's tale!

you are just a pathetic little liar.

Wow … what a difference long hair, make up and an air brush would make LOL …. just 30 years too late …. *sigh*

After the disappointment of having to cancel going to Perth pride because of my poor wee cat (still in cage, still really pissed off about having to be in the cage!) … today turned our much better than I thought.

Instead of being stuck at home, my friend Helen came through from Falkirk and we went up to the Mutt Hutt in Glenrothes with Sprout, who had an absolute ball!

We travelled in Alice Alice … mainly because she has been sitting idle for so long, I wanted to give her a wee run out … she is driving like a dream now… and my brakes work great! (I knew they were bloody dodgy!)

We ended up heading to Dobbies in Dunfermline and had some lunch there before popping into see my mum for a cup of tea.

Helen is now heading home and me and sprout are tired out! … time for a nana nap!  (even though I am not a nana!)

Credit Science & Metaphysics

I am very tired at the moment.

My sleep pattern is all over the place and the early hours of the morning are becoming good friends.

I’m tired of being tired… tired of feeling just so worn out and fed up with the pain in my back and leg.. both of which have really been bothering me lately.

I’m too busy to feel this tired and maybe, now that Alice Alice is roadworthy I should look into a wee holiday but … with Duffy confined to a cage for at least another month… and the massive vet bill… I may have to put up with feeling like this for a month or two yet. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place and it’s bloody annoying.

There were a few memories that popped up this morning … but the two that hurt the most were from just last year.

The first was a video of my  beautiful girl Brae being chased around the house by my white boy Cat Dixie who was desperate to cuddle her … (he was more keen than she was) … it raised a wee tear but a huge smile too …

The second was a photo of me and my ex … with huge stupid grins on our faces … I was very happy then … although in hindsight maybe she wasn’t so much.

The strange thing is I don’t look tired in the photo … Im smiling and beaming and the tired look that haunts my face these days is just not there.

Of all the troubles that have hit my life since Christmas, losing my ex is the hardest to bear.  It is strange how someone who meant so much can suddenly be nothing and you are replaced before you have even split up.

For the first time in my life I truly found comfort in the love I felt for her and losing her was a huge blow to me … although for her, she had already moved on and I guess, for her, it was easy to just replace one life with another.

I have never understood how someone can do that … I know for me, I have to take time to work through the hurt and pain and find myself again before I can consider moving on… I know I am at that the point … but still … there are days when I really miss my ex … I just always felt she was such a rock in my life … I don’t ever admit to needing someone, but I think in a way I did need her.

But life goes on … she has moved on … but has probably never had the time to sit down and really think about who she is … or what she really wants from life … but that is her choice and she is entitled to that…. the saddest part of it all is that I lost all trust in her, and she was the person I trusted most in the world… and although I can forgive a lot of things, I can never forgive someone breaking my trust in the way  she did.

I have met some lovely people since I have tentatively stepped out into the dating world … one I thought may be special, but turned out to have her own issues that I simply won’t put up with … the others, I have all liked, but as a friends only basis.

I know that one day I will meet someone again … someone who is true to themselves and to me … someone with a life they are happy with and wants to share, someone happy in their own skin… and someone who does not have any hidden issues that I am expected to deal with.

Until then … it is me, Sprout and now Alice Alice again! … thankfully she is back on the road and I plan to use her to travel around meeting other gay women at various meet ups.  Maybe, just maybe, amongst the new people I meet, will be someone who fits with me as well as I thought my ex did, but this time in a true way, not in a false way.

So here is to the tomorrows yet to come!

We all make excuses at times. Usually to cover up our bad habits or behaviour…and sometimes just to have an easy life.

We face hard times and always conquer them… even though we never thought we would.

We watch on as love turns to hate and people who were once our world become strangers once again.

We always think we have time… when the reality is that everyday we live we take one step closer to our death.

We have regrets… we have “if only’s” that we keep thinking we can sort out tomorrow… forgetting that tomorrow never comes.

We have one life, a life that is ours and one day, our time will come to an end and in those last few moments will you be satisfied with what you have done and how you have lived?

I know I will.

Well … after a horrendously busy day in Edinburgh, Ormiston and Kirkcaldy, I have been out of the house for a lot longer than planned!

When I did get home I was greeted at the front gate by Dodgy Leg Duffy! … he was locked in the big cage this morning when I left …. somehow he managed to squeeze between the bottom bar and escape .. I have no idea how long he has been out for and the big cage has now been replaced by the medium black one (above)…. lets see the wee bugger get out of that!

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