Brae. A gay woman's tale!

I have just come home after taking a funeral to find a delivery for me… one was a wonderful gift from my pal Arlene … stickers that read “Coddiwomple” (To travel in a purposeful manner towards a vague destination) … and these will be going on Alice Alice this very afternoon!

I have no idea who the other gift is from … it came from Amazon … and is a pack of drawing pencils, a drawing pad and two notebooks … one of which reads “not all who wander are lost” … and the other “The adventure begins here” …. both are subjects that I have recently covered in this Blog, so I presume they are from someone who reads it!… so Thank you very much! … and let me know who you are!

I have to admit to being not much of an artist, more of a bad doodler really … but this will inspire me to at least try! …

I am totally stunned at the kindness that people have shown to me over the past few months.  I have received many gifts, each of which has raised a wee tear in my eye… I must have hay fever or something because I’m heartless really!  *smile*

But truly, Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to send me gifts and cards … you have no idea how much this all means to me.  For a time I felt pretty worthless … and your kindness has touched me more than you will ever know!

Bloody hayfever again ….

No … I didn’t spell it wrong!

Tomorrow I set off with my wee dog Sprout on our first proper solo holiday.   I say solo but for part of it I am meeting with friends, in Ayr and Cumbria before spending three days alone with Sprout near Jedburgh.

It is a journey that I am looking forward to, not just for the holiday but for the start of the new beginning that it going to bring.

I have a couple of challenges ahead of me, challenges that I know I need to face and conquer … but these challenges will help me overcome a couple of obstacles that I have been struggling to get past… and I know, that for me, they will make me a stronger and  happier person, as well as helping me really regain my peace.

Tomorrow brings me new destinations and a new destiny (did you see what I did with the title now!) … no doubt there will be lots of surprises along the way … and I am looking forward to discovering them!

Here is to all what is to come!

The struggle between your mind and your heart is always difficult to deal with.

When hurt and anger go, you are left knowing what you think, and what you feel.

The battle is real … and it is a conflict that does not give you peace.

Acceptance of all you think and feel is the first step in fighting back.

When you can accept the anger, the hurt and the blow to your pride, even if you don’t like it … what you are left with is what you feel in your heart.

No matter how you have been treated, no matter all the harsh words and tears, what you are left with is how you feel, and sometimes this surprises you.

I do believe that people love in different ways.  I am not talking about the love of family and pets, but love for a partner.

For some love is shallow and temporary, for others deep and permanent.  I also believe that there are people who are born to be loved … and others who are born to love.

Everyone we meet, everyone we love, leaves a mark on us.  Sometimes for the good, sometimes not, but they leave a mark anyway.

I also believe that love is about timing… you do have to meet someone who is in the same “place” as you… someone who has done all they wanted to do in life and is happy with their life and themselves.  If not the balance is all wrong and a relationship like this will not stand the test of time.

Love is all about understanding, compromise and acceptance.   Acceptance that two people should never become one, but two people who want to stay together through the tough times, as well as the fun times.

It is accepting that our partners have different interests and needs and allowing them to be themselves, while still trusting and respecting them enough to know that no matter what, all they want is to share part of their world with you always.

Love should not be about changing someone, but accepting them and their faults and still loving them anyway.

I am not interested in a relationship where there is conflict, I just want peace.  Peace of mind and peace of heart, with someone who I can trust completely and who wants me in their life always.

Well … at last I have cleared out my drawers, wardrobes and summerhouse!

Everything is tidy and organised and everything has been taken to the Charity  Shop or binned, although not my old knickers I may add!

I am also selling some camping gear that I no longer need and that has been advertised on line … no interest as yet though so that might end up in a charity shop too!

There is something really peaceful knowing that everything is once again in order … I do tend to save things (just in case!), so a good clear out now and again is required and the sense of achievement is great!

Next big project is the decking and the garden .. but that will have to wait until I come back from holiday, then I will be able to sit back and enjoy everything .. as well as having many trips out in Alice Alice.

The whole process has been very therapeutic for me in more ways than one … a couple of tears over left behind slippers and I came across a couple of cards … I thought I had got rid of all of them … so it was a wee bit of a punch in the stomach when I found them. But now my life is in order again … (apart from my office .. but I am tackling that tonight!) … the sun is shining, my holiday is just a few days away, and life is beginning to feel that little bit more friendly again.

Now I must stop opening the wardrobe doors and smiling to myself!

Losing someone you love is not easy… but it takes two people who really love each other to make a relationship work.

When feelings are unbalanced there is no future and even though it is hard to accept… no-one wants to be with someone who does not love them.

Loss is hard but at least it frees us to find someone who will truly love us. Tears dry, pain fades and life is an unwritten chapter just waiting to happen.

I was full of plans today! … and completed them (and a wee bit more!)

Bed has been washed and changed … and Wardrobes and shoe racks have been gutted … and I now have 82 free hangers (although some are going to be binned!)

My brother came up to help with with Alice Alice as I wanted my tyres blown up and air put into the air suspension.   As it turned out it was a bit of a failure .. one of the tyres had it’s hub cap put on wrong and we couldn’t get to the valve.   The only way to move the hub cap was to take the wheel off!

After I flung a minor strop, I phoned a couple of garages and D & G in Inverkeithing told me to bring Alice Alice along … not only did they take the tyre off and blow up all my tyres, they also explained to me about the air suspension.  I only have it on the back and don’t need it unless I am towing! .. and how much did this cost me … zero … although I did slip the wee guy a fiver for helping me out…. guess where Alice Alice will be going to be serviced! (they even have motorhome ramps!)

Came home and got stuck into the wardrobes … then my brother rang me to say that my mum had one of her turns and had fainted in the kitchen, banging her head on the fridge.

She refused to go to hospital, but seemed much perkier by the time I left … she had given herself a thump though … judging by the dent on her brand new fridge (bet my sister flings a fit about that!).

The wardrobes were calling once more … and after a couple of wee teary  moments, when I came across things that belonged to my ex … I completed the task … the worst part was fling out her old pink slippers… I used to always find them lying in the living room and I had to have a wee smile to myself.

Everything has now been sorted … even shoes have been binned (or going to the charity shop) … and I have a great sense of getting “sorted” …

It has been a busy day, but hopefully my auld maw will be better tomorrow and I will pop in to make sure she is …. but also, for me, it has been a day of getting rid of the old … and clearing things out that are no use to me.  My “fresh start” has truly begun in earnest … and I’m actually quite enjoying it!

As they say … out with the old … in with the new!